If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
