Me. At least after what I've been through.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
