Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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