It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
