Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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