is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
