i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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