My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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