Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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