That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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