Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
