What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
