its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
