Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
