How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
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Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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