so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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