ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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