i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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