Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
