So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
