i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
