the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
