I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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