please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize