Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
