I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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