Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My pussy is not your playground.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
