i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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