my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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