How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
