I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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