I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
