At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
