Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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