I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
