Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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