I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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