Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
