The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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