I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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