It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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