Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize