There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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