K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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