I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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