Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
