Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
