More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
