Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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