no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
