Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
