Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
