WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
