It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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