remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's never too late to be topless.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
