allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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