In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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