I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i dont even know how to be here
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
